Peter writes:'One of the drawbacks of the theatre was that there was no method of concealing the orchestra. Its members sat on the same level as the audience. It was merely the actors who were elevated. I noticed on the firstnight that the orchestra made use of a minature chess board in order to while away the time during the histrionics and often musicians crept forward like troops in a dugout to make a move.
'I hoped and prayed that Edith Evans would not notice what was going on but on the fourth night, during a brilliant tirade, she stopped dead. One eye had alighted on the tiny chessboard just as the viola player had spotted a crack in the enemy defence and was creeping forward to deliver the coup de grace.
'She was livid, and after the show I accosted Professor Strietzel. To soften the blow I told him he had never played better than on that night.
'His face lit up. "You are a real musician," he counter-flattered.
'"There's only one thing ... one criticism."
'"Ach!" His face darkened.
'"The game of chess. It's frightfully distracting."
'"It distracts you? No! You are too fine an artist to be distracted. It's zis voman!"
'The next night Edith found it hard to concentrate. As soon as I came on stage I saw what was happening. The orchestra, deprived of its chessboard, had now arranged the lights on its music--stands so that its members were lit from beneath, and they all followd Edith's every move looking like war criminals following the arguments of their advocate with misgivings and resignation.
'Once again, at the end of the performance, I was compelled to accost Professor Strietzel.
'"Why do you follow Edith Evans with your eyes in a manner to disturb any perforer, any artist?"
'"First it vas the chessboard. Correct me if I am wrong. Chess ve shouldn't play ..."
'"That is correct."
'"So ve leave the chessboard at home. Vot else can ve do? Ve follow the play. Ve look at the voman." '
'Suddenly the constriction of his voice and the coolness of presentation of the facts deserted him. He shouted: "You think it gives us pleasure to vatch zis voman? Ve who have seen Paula Wessley at her height."'
Source "I Don't Believe It!" Richard Wilson's Book of Absurdities
Michael O'Mara Books Limited 1995